Tell you what:
! Women whose (abusive) partners have specialized in eliminating access to work & income, etc, and who then go get out of that (bad) situation, with kids, another gauntlet is the courts which really do have the odds federally incentivized against independent-minded women, I learned.
In both venues work and sometimes careers are quickly sabotaged, or earnings can be simply taken (or garnished), leading right to begging, homelessness, etc. I’ve come close and know plenty.
Then come the “helpers” and a life seeking help — NO! !!!
Survival is a matter of speed, funding and wit, courage, timing (luck) etc. — because one of the first things some (guys/husbands) do it commandeer the economics, the infrastructure, THEN
the other forms of abuse. Don’t know where they learned it, seems innate to some. . . . . So the women get extremely resourceful, network, rebound, and figure out ways to replace sabotaged work, get it up and running ASAP
this is excellent transferable skills for competitive marketplace. All we need is an option and a little hope and success to counter the constant messaging to “submit” “cooperate” and agree with almost anything (including most things that quell the human spirit and compromise us & our kids further)
I twice went halfway through a high-profile women’s mentoring programs (in different years) as single mother, with custody challenge, and in one case while also going for a protective order — and a household move. Learned from this they are often more concerned about THEIR
funders than their clients. Every step, learn more.
Any business for such women (and it’s a lot of us) has to be faster, more flexible, & produce income (dividends, etc.) from the assets or investments (not hourly wages only) and shouldn’t be dependent on conforming to some program funders’ (like advocacy groups) etc. profile — they rarely exactly match the real and immediate needs.
Moreover, the courts are handy at switching assets (or property) from one parent to another, and can do it speedily.
So if it then comes to needing social services:
Some of us also know that women who become unemployed — or even homeless for some reason — may have a better chance if they DO have a substance abuse, mental health, or criminal history issue — than if there were other circumstances involved than the last round of policymakers doesn’t know [or wish to acknowledge], exists.
A few months ago, I had the ability help a homeless woman get in an extended stay hotel for a week, after hearing her story and a moderate amount of background check (I hazarded an educated guess she was telling the truth). It was cold and raining at the time, and she was being hit on by other homeless men, and shocked by learning the cultural ropes of “how to be homeless.”
After a week in the hotel (not just one night) and with some other help (not only mine) and follow-through, she quickly got a FT job, same profession and is now basically looking for an apartment — the job is in a very decent income niche: and I’m just so excited. She didn’t NEED
job skills — but immediate shelter and half a chance.
To be able to raise/provide funding like as on FundHer, and utilize our own creative and survival instincts is a lifesaver for women like this (including me in case you can’t guess). by life saver, I mean it will, literally, save lives.
I believe if it catches on, enough such survivors would be a force to stop some of the insane, and ineffective plans for stopping domestic violence, too. Too often/typically these are becoming themselves more and more corporate & centralized; involve field professionals (“practitioners,”) getting federal funds to sit through training by the older established “experts,” who often like to only deal with their own kind
- and not take current feedback from those really in the field
-women & mothers, who know first hand about the policy gaps.
So, to get the truths out, and change the norms, we MUST
be financially independent. This site has the potential to (a) save a lot more lives and (b) I love this site, and will be back!
References: Check out http://azffc.org
(fatherhood organization — shows HHS
and high-profile connections. I blog and publicize at http://familycourtmatters.wordpress.com
and elsewhere. I am writing here as someone who hasn’t gotten the whole way out yet, and speaking this helps retain hope about it.